The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
