I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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