Four minutes until I can fart!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
