i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
