the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My pussy is not your playground.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
