you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
