Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
