My friends, they love my intelligence
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
