Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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