Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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