My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize