"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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