She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
