Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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