Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
