Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
