batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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