I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
