JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
