Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
