chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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