I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
