I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
