Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
