or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
