You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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