Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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