Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize