My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
