I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
