oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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