singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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