Hey man sorry I got all grabby
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
