If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
