does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
