Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize