She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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