Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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