we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
