does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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