bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
