In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
