Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
