For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
