pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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