Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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