Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
