Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
