whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
