WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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