Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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