one two three fourrrrnication!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
