Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
