they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
