Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
