no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
