Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
