I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
