im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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