You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
