She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
