Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
