He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
