I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I love you.
Bad choice
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