Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And then he peed in my hair
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