Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you had me at cake vodka
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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