it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
