If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize