Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
