But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
