After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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