woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
